Sunday, April 29, 2012

More Changes

This is my "rescue icon," someone else worked on it and abandoned it.  She just walked away.  I have been tempted to do the same.  I have worked on this for many hours, and it is extremely difficult to undo what's been done.  I think St. John the Baptist deserves better than this, so I will continue to work on it.

Yesterday I got my hair cut.  My stylist has known me for a very long time - she used to cut it very short when I asked her to, but she doesn't any more.  It is short - but it is not VERY short.  I have long bangs, and enough hair over my ears to "tuck" it.  The back is very short.  It is super cute and I am so happy I did this.  I feel like I look about 10 years younger.  That long hair drags down my face - and gravity is doing a good enough job, it doesn't need any help!  I also dragged out my old horn rimmed glasses and feel like I have a whole new look.

Yesterday I decided to quit my running club.  I will continue to exercise, I know that.  But I don't want to pay so much money and have my weekends be so centered around my Saturday morning run.  I have too many priorities right now, I can easily eliminate this one.  I will serve out the time I have already paid for and then I will have Saturdays to myself again.  In truth, that will probably be July.  But that's OK.

I have my little baby here with me today.  She got upset earlier and held her arms out to me - the way she does her Mom and Dad.  I held her and began to cry myself.  Such a primordial thing.  Since the beginning of time babies have clung to their mamas, daddys, and grandmothers!  It is a beautiful thing to be part of that equation!  Now, THIS feeds my soul.

I have been chronicling these past few months my "little bit of a breakdown."  (That phrase comes from a song I can't remember right now.)  It is risky to put it on the internet, but I was taught to share my real experience, strength, and hope.  Not my delusional system about how great I am - like if I convince you I may convince myself.

So this is it.  I am still moving forward.  And amazingly enough, I have not had a drink.  If you are the type of alcoholic I am, you understand what a big deal that is.  And if you are looking for someone who is the picture of serenity and happiness every day - you will probably be terribly disappointed by my blog.

Here's another one of my quirks - I cannot stand the sound of cartoons.  I thought I could turn on a cartoon for my granddaughter while I wrote this, but it is making my so anxious I can't stand it.  I remember a scene from the movie "The Days of Wine and Roses," where the alcoholic woman is sitting in a chair, by herself, in the middle of the day - with a cigarette and a glass of booze - watching cartoons.  ugh!  I can't think of anything worse!

But that is NOT my story today.  I am sober.  My little baby holds her arms out to me and wraps them around my neck when I pick her up.  I will turn off these cartoons and play with baby girl.

God has been so good to me.


Daisyanon said...

The hairdo and glasses sound fantastic MC. Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

Mary Christine: A Brakedown in a sense is not bad. It is reassembling parts to put together again to make a better product...Just as you are working on that make it better. You have the Discipline and the Self-Actualization. Life is a series of Events of Becoming. I'm sure The Cherubs are delighted.

Syd said...

It all sounds good to me. Any photos of the new look? I don't like cartoons anymore. I used to like them when I was a kid but find them annoying now.

Anonymous said...

I to just had my hair cut short and everyone told me it ten years off my psychologist told me hair cuts announce change not only do I look younger but I also feel fantastic my sobriety can be gauged on my appearance some might say this is ego but self respect was something I lack when sick and today I pride myself on appearance. I love reading your daily blogs your honesty is endearing .

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Baby feeds your soul-you are so blessed to have her in your life, MC, we are given chances to be a part of their lives and rise to the occasion as if born to the breed.

The Little bit of Breakdown comes from a Paul Simon tune off the Graceland album "Gumboots", a fine song.

Mary LA said...

That icon is beautiful and I think icon painting is a form of prayerful meditation as well as an art.

I'm grateful you have shared a little of what you have been going through. I learn so much about sober living from bloggers and friends who share the nitty-gritty stuff.

Pammie said...

Your bravery knows no bounds these days!!!
I'm so "hair stuck" myself these days and understand.
I think you have done an excellent job on the icon. Really.
My poor grandson never got to watch cartoons at my house....I simply can not tolerate the sound..CANNOT!

Furtheron said...

Your "little bit of a breakdown" is no doubt due to the perennial stumbling block of all alcoholics (in my experience) ... CHANGE!

The new job, working hours, travel patterns etc. I'm 7 months into my new job and still not certain really... will I ever be? My wife says I'll never be happy wherever I work, Restless Irritable and Discontent... hmmm

However - again another example to me of someone "trudging the path to happiness", not picking up a drink and making progress even if to them they are going backwards, or sideways or nowhere...