Friday, September 07, 2007

2 years, 716 posts

It was 2 years today that I started this blog. I started it to have a conversation with someone who was bugging me on my other blog - I knew he was an AA member, and I didn't want to identify as such on the blog with my full name and picture - anonymity, you know. I posted occasionally for a couple of months and didn't really see the point because I was getting no indication that the blog had any use at all.

On November 28, 2005, Ms. Trudge found my blog and put a link to it on hers. It was oh so exciting to visit my blog one afternoon and find that there were SEVEN comments on my most recent post! I couldn't believe it! People were reading my blog! It was so exciting. I came to know people through their blogs and I felt that my sobriety had been enriched profoundly.

Since then, many of the people who were part of my daily blog life have stopped blogging. Some of them are drinking or using. Some of them have gotten more healthy and moved from "virtual" sobriety to the real thing - real sponsors, real meetings, real recovery. Some of them have just lost interest in blogging I guess. And that would make the sober blogging community much like the AA community out there, people come and go.

I am not a come-and-go kind of gal. I was when I was drinking. When I got sober, I jumped into AA with both feet, and never looked back. I have been consistently IN AA for a little over 23 years, and sober all that time. I do not "move on" in my life and stop doing the things that have saved my life. I just keep plugging along, because I know from years of watching people, what happens when you start to think you have graduated to a higher plane of recovery and now you just give advice, provide support, or occasionally bestow your blessings on the unwashed masses at an AA meeting. I am an alcoholic every single day of my life, I am just as much of an alcoholic today - 23 years out from my last drink- as I was in 1984 in my first year of sobriety. God has greatly blessed me with a life today that I could not have dreamed when I was new, but I am clear that left to my own devices, I am a drunk!

I had considered discontinuing this blog. The lack of comments was very disconcerting to me. I have made some friends through blogging and even if I stopped blogging, I know I would continue to visit their blogs and keep up with them by e-mail. But as far as every single day spending hours writing this thing and keeping up with you all, I really questioned whether it was something of value or not.

I posted about this the other day. I was hesitant to do it because I didn't want to seem like someone saying "if you don't give me what I want I will go away and you will never see me again - you'll be sorry!" But then again, I didn't just want to disappear, I don't behave like that anymore. It did elicit comments from "lurkers" and for that I am truly grateful. I also got comments from my regular readers and I am grateful for that too. I also got comments about "not needing validation." oh, poooh.

If I was just writing for me, I could write in a journal. I don't need to put it out for all to see. Since I put it out here for all to see, I would like to know, in a general way, who is looking at it. When you have posted every day for 2 years, your blog will come up in a search for just about anything. I have written about lasagna falling apart when you slice it (and people search for info about that, really, really, they do), apple pie, key lime pie, lemon meringue pie, dead snowmen, running in every kind of weather phenomena, having my son in Iraq, having him return from Iraq, shopping for shoes, back to school shopping for kids, having a summer romance, having a summer romance fall apart, etc., etc., etc. I have also written about staying sober one day at a time for "x" number of years, having a wonderful sponsor, being a (wonderful?) sponsor, going to every kind of AA meeting, AA picnics, AA potlucks, AA conventions, and AA funerals.

I do not need the validation of you liking what I write, or your approval of what I write. I just wanted to know if I was just standing in the middle a busy highway intersection talking to myself. I think I have found out that I am not talking to myself. There are those who are listening. I appreciate you, I truly do. You don't have to comment every day - I would LOVE it if you did though - but I do need to know that I am not just talking to myself. You also don't have to agree with me. I pretty much stick to my own experience, strength, and hope - nothing to argue about there - but I do, on occasion foray into the landmine of opinion. I would also like to say that I find it disconcerting that people who are "new" in AA have somehow gotten the impression that they have nothing to offer an "oldtimer" like me. Puh-Lease! AA is the great democracy... it is not a hierarchy. We all help each other.

So, thanks to everyone. I will keep at this blogging. When I am sharing in an AA meeting, I always end by saying "Thanks for listening." At one of my very first meetings, a man was talking about what a miracle it is that in a room full of alcoholics, we share - one person at a time - and the whole room listens. It truly is a miracle when we listen to each other. As a person who grew up, the youngest of 5 children, in an alcoholic family - I was always told to be quiet, calm down, you don't have to shout, stop talking... when I got to AA, for the first time in my life, I really felt that I was being listened to, and this is quite an honor. Thank you.

"In any meeting, anywhere, AAs share experience, strength, and hope with each other, in order to stay sober and help other alcoholics. Modem-to-modem or face-to-face, AAs speak the language of the heart in all its power and simplicity." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxiv

19 comments:

Scott W said...

Wouldn't the first one hundred be excited to see how the modem-to-modem has reached so many people. Then there is the meeting bloggers in person thing, then reading their words and being able to hear them speak them. We are modern miracles, the book says so. It works, it really does.

Syd said...

Yours was one of the first blogs that I read and linked to. Your experience, strength and hope amaze me. While I am not an alcoholic, I have all the feelings of an alcoholic , just without the booze. So, I'm at that intersection with you, holding your hand, and we are both talking away. Thanks MC.

Banana Girl said...

If I had a pair of those brilliant glow in the light white gloves that traffic cops wear in the Bahamas, I would send them to you. Thanks for reconsidering and continuing to post. I will be writing later today as promised. I am in the middle of a traffic jam today with two floors in my house being coated with fancy epoxy sealant. What a bloody mess! And of course as a true alcoholic, I can create a mess, but please don't make me deal with a mess. I am today dealing, feeling, and healing. Thanks for showing me the way to do this with gratitude and grace.

Kathy Lynne said...

If someone is talking, I'm always listening so I'm glad you're staying put in a purely selfish way. But I'm glad you got what you were looking for too. This blog stuff is new to me but I am enjoying it. I appreciate the journaling which I was never able to do with pen and paper. I appreciate the validation or the confrontation from the comments and most of all I appreciate knowing that no matter how different we are we share a common bond. Just like in a meeting sometimes I'm just listening and don't share, but I am ALWAYS there.

kel said...

I too am glad you are staying. So, listen, if you are going to make us lurkers leaves comments, do we, in return get to leave requests for things we would like for you to blog about??? LOL. Im kidding... Have a great sober weekend.

~kel

recoveryroad said...

I was when I was drinking. When I got sober, I jumped into AA with both feet, and never looked back.

Right on! Here's to two more years!

MICKY said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
green3 said...

Thanks for continuing!

I took down my blog, Drew's Recovery because some family members found out about it and it really wasn't a place I could vent anymore. It wasn't anonymous. For those who are interested, Drew went back to AA and said he's 1000% better than he was last weekend. This up and down crap drives me insane!

As you would say, "Thanks for listening."

dAAve said...

Thanks MC, for beingyou.
And YOU have really reeled in a few today.

Pam said...

Oh girl I am so with you on all of this. When I want to write for me, I use a red spiral notebook that is in my underwear drawer. One of the reasons I blog, is to share "who I am" with people...the good and the bad.
I'm so glad you know how to run, in case you ever find yourself in the middle of a freeway!
Our drunk friend has a crush on you I think ;)

aiwanakademie said...

I have been reading your blog for a while. Thank you for your words.

Kindly,
K.

Gwen said...

Happy Blogging Anniversary MC! You know how I feel about you and how I use you as a model of a great sober woman. You always inspire me. Your consistency is like my sponsors and something I am constantly striving for. Balance as well.

I am grateful you are a blogger. I am grateful I have come to know you somewhat. I am honored when you leave me a comment.

Thank you for staying sober. Thank you thank you thank you.

Love and a big bear hug,
Gwen

Anonymous said...

I read your blog all the time and I would miss it greatly!

Katia said...

Thanks for your comment. Yes, I dont quite know what is up yet either, but I hope to write more about the many thoughts in my head. I created this blog to keep it seperate from my academic blog. There is too much bagged on that server and I would have to do more explaining with my friends (many RL) than I am capable of doing...thus...blogspot has become my refuge! Thanks for reading!
Kindly,
Kathrin

Nigel, North Wales said...

well done on you!
I read your blog most days,and am very gratefull to you and the felowship.
just because there are not many comments, does not mean you are not read and appreciated
Nigel, North Wales

Mary L A said...

I had been a little afraid you might stop blogging and am very glad to hear you are continuing. What you are showing me is much more than how to slice lasagna, or even how to deal with tough times emotionally, it is the real art of living sober, one day at a time, year in, year out, through the grace of God.

Scott said...

gosh MC, I could pretty much copy and paste this post to my blog, with regard to how I feel about blogging, sobriety, sticking with good things, liking to know that peeps are reading my stuff, etc... wow can I relate to you! I guess that's why I keep coming back to your blog, you help me :-)

love n hugs!

AAwoken said...

17 comments. That, my dear, is not talking to the wind.

Anonymous said...

brand new lurker checking in.I found this place Yesterday. I also got my white chip yesterday. I went to meeting two tonight and found you again though I linked to you yesterday with the words "children in an AA meeting".

That was kinda weird. The man who brought an 8 year old and a 12 year old to the meeting, not you coming up again in a search. Hope You stay around a long time. Thanks for being a resource.