I am grateful that I can be present in today. I can acknowledge past September Elevenths, and honor what it means - but it is not required that I be unhappy today. So, I don't think I will!
My mother died on June 18, 1971. After 1971, I would have a miserable time on that day each year. I was married on September 5 one year and after the marriage fell apart, I would suffer terribly on each September 5 - remembering the sunlit joy of my youth and the foolish hopes and dreams that did not work out the way I wanted. I can name so many dates it is ridiculous. When my father died, I purposely decided that I would not remember the date. I can remember the date of his birth, and have happy memories of his life. I can remember other memorable dates and the joy involved. His death? that was not a highlight of his long life. I know that it was at the end of August in 1993. I have his obituary somewhere and holy cards with his dates if I really need to know, but I haven't needed to know yet.
I got a new garage door yesterday! It is beautiful! I have been saying "I have to get a new garage door" since I moved into this house on September 28, 2001 (oooops!) I am so glad I finally bit the bullet and wrote the check for a nice new garage door. And now I will get rid of the darker green trim on my house and paint it white - so I will have a pale green house with white trim. But I need to paint my front door a new and wonderful color. I am thinking RED. I love red, but I seem to remember some suggestion that it denoted a "house of ill-repute." Does anyone else think that?
So today - my son is asleep downstairs. I still have jars of salsa lined up on my kitchen counter - because I love the way they look. I have a nice job to go to, and lots of meetings to attend there -where they are actually awaiting my peculiar skill at quantifying everything. At work it is called data analysis and research - at home it is called being a pain in the ass. I have an AA meeting to attend after work. I have homework to do - I had my first Biblical School Class last night - it was awesome! Life is good. I have a broken heart, but my heart has been broken before and it has always mended, I know that I am being cared for by a loving God and all is well.
"We can believe that God is in His heaven and that He has purpose for our lives, which will eventually work out as long as we try to live the way we believe He wants us to live. It has been said that we should 'wear the world like a loose garment.' That means that nothing should seriously upset us because we have a deep and abiding faith that God will always take care of us. To us that means not to be too upset by the surface wrongness of things, but to feel deeply secure in the fundamental goodness and purpose in the universe." - July 16 reading from Twenty-Four Hours a Day