Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Tuesday September Eleventh

I am grateful that I can be present in today. I can acknowledge past September Elevenths, and honor what it means - but it is not required that I be unhappy today. So, I don't think I will!

My mother died on June 18, 1971. After 1971, I would have a miserable time on that day each year. I was married on September 5 one year and after the marriage fell apart, I would suffer terribly on each September 5 - remembering the sunlit joy of my youth and the foolish hopes and dreams that did not work out the way I wanted. I can name so many dates it is ridiculous. When my father died, I purposely decided that I would not remember the date. I can remember the date of his birth, and have happy memories of his life. I can remember other memorable dates and the joy involved. His death? that was not a highlight of his long life. I know that it was at the end of August in 1993. I have his obituary somewhere and holy cards with his dates if I really need to know, but I haven't needed to know yet.

I got a new garage door yesterday! It is beautiful! I have been saying "I have to get a new garage door" since I moved into this house on September 28, 2001 (oooops!) I am so glad I finally bit the bullet and wrote the check for a nice new garage door. And now I will get rid of the darker green trim on my house and paint it white - so I will have a pale green house with white trim. But I need to paint my front door a new and wonderful color. I am thinking RED. I love red, but I seem to remember some suggestion that it denoted a "house of ill-repute." Does anyone else think that?

So today - my son is asleep downstairs. I still have jars of salsa lined up on my kitchen counter - because I love the way they look. I have a nice job to go to, and lots of meetings to attend there -where they are actually awaiting my peculiar skill at quantifying everything. At work it is called data analysis and research - at home it is called being a pain in the ass. I have an AA meeting to attend after work. I have homework to do - I had my first Biblical School Class last night - it was awesome! Life is good. I have a broken heart, but my heart has been broken before and it has always mended, I know that I am being cared for by a loving God and all is well.

"We can believe that God is in His heaven and that He has purpose for our lives, which will eventually work out as long as we try to live the way we believe He wants us to live. It has been said that we should 'wear the world like a loose garment.' That means that nothing should seriously upset us because we have a deep and abiding faith that God will always take care of us. To us that means not to be too upset by the surface wrongness of things, but to feel deeply secure in the fundamental goodness and purpose in the universe." - July 16 reading from Twenty-Four Hours a Day


Gwen said...

My birthday is June 18th.

I like the way the jars look too. Maybe you should buy a special cabinet to display this beautiful artwork. :))) Hehehehe

I am glad you decided to not be unhappy today. That was great to read. I just got back from the 7am and we had a moment of silence and I could feel myself getting a bit weepy.

Have a great day MC.
Lub Ya,

dAAve said...

Sept 5 is a good date for me. There's the balance.
I too have a knack (curse?) for remembering not-necessarily important dates.
Oh well.
Have a great Sept 11th.

Banana Girl said...

I am sorry your heart is broken my friend. Your hopefulness about that is reassuring. Have a great day. I am keeping my promise about posting. Thank you for that gift. I need to remember the gifts that come back when we freely give. Posting helps me do that. It starts my day with balance. Daily yeast for my daily bread. Have a wonderful day!

Pam said...

1. I think you should name your salsa something, something snappier than "from the kithcen of MC"
2. My family did the same thing after my father died, we decided the date of death would not be the date associated with him.
3. I'm so sorry your heart hurts...the death of a dream is so painful.
lovin you!

Syd said...

Thanks for making us think about this day and that it doesn't have to be sad--only if we want it to.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your inspiring posts. I own a los angeles sober living home (as well as one in Kentucky) and we've been having our residents blog. By and large it's been a truly gratifying experience for them.

I wish you much success.

Larry L.

Anonymous said...

I've always heard that a red door is welcoming.

Dharmashanti said...

I've always found that a red door signifies says, "A bold and wonderful person lives here. Get to know me!" Either that or your name is Elizabeth Arden. tee hee...

Peace out!

kel said...

I think a red door is fabulous and bright. I love your attitude about chosing how you are going to allow this or any other date to make you feel.

Scott W said...

From a website on feng shui:

THE FRONT DOOR IS AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT FOR WEALTH, so try painting your door an auspicious color. If your door faces SE, consider painting it purple or a shade of purple. You can also paint it a rich green color. If it faces north, paint it black. I did this once to enhance my career and within hours of painting it black, my phone rang off the hook! If your door faces south, paint the door red to enhance your reputation and renown.

My door faces north. I will be painting it black soon!

~MsManna~ said...

Thanks for giving me a new way to look at days like this. I had the tendency to avoid it all... Lovely post!

lash505 said...

look where you have been and done as a sober woman. You could out run me any day. Stay with dark green or dark blue my opinion, however red is one of the in colors now. so, I would stay dark in the red family.

Christine said...

hearts do mend--happy yours is in a program that supports mending