I am grateful this isn't a hangover. I marvel to think that I used to feel this way or worse on a daily basis - voluntarily?!!! Or was it voluntary?
I personally don't believe that I really had a choice in drinking. I think that if you are an alcoholic you are pretty powerless over alcohol - I think there is a step about that.... but most of us get to AA and talk about how powerfully we have QUIT drinking, and how we CHOOSE to be sober today, etc. OH, and then we say "It works, IF you WORK it!" Oh, we think we are some powerful people!
"The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 43