Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sunday Morning

Yesterday I talked to my daughter and told her I was not going to be going to the Sunday Morning AA meeting.  I just needed one whole weekend where I didn't have an alarm set.  Waking to an alarm at 4 or 4:30 seven days a week is just tiring.

So I woke up on my own - at 5!  Boiled some water, poured it over some coffee in my little french press in a travel mug.  Got to the pool in time to have a mile done by 7 a.m.  Came home and ate some steel cut oats with some wonderful Krema peanut butter - Thank you Lou - I did not know about Krema and had virtually eliminated p.b. out of my life due to the sugar content.  Now I can have p.b. & oatmeal on days when I have big workouts.  I am waiting until it warms up a little and then I am going on a bike ride.  I want it to be warm because I want to wear a sleeveless bike shirt (or maybe even one of my running dresses which have big pockets in the back, just like a bike shirt).  At this point in the spring, I do not want to deal with a farmer's tan.

The sun is shining, the trees have leaves on them, my lawn looks like someone actually takes care of it (the someone is actually my neighbor and not me!), it will be warm enough for a nice bike ride, and then this afternoon, I am going to do some power-chilling.  I am going to sit outside and read a book.  Really.  I am.  I have promised myself this.

For lunch, I will have cold salmon and a simple salad.

For dinner, I will make chicken in paper with rosemary and greek olives.

Did I ever mention (she asks rhetorically because she knows she didn't!) that last weekend I told my fella I didn't want to see him anymore?  That was hard to do - I really did like him and he allegedly liked me.  But he didn't really treat me like he liked me and it was increasingly hurting my feelings.  I always say that when the picture doesn't add up based on the info I have, I probably don't have all the information.  I don't know what was up with him, but his verbals did not match his non-verbals and I don't want to experience hurt feelings all the time.  I think he is just someone who is either dishonest or is not really in touch with how he feels.  If you get to be 62 years old like that, odds are, you are not changing any time soon.

I am sad about this, but not broken hearted.  Maybe neither one of us liked each other a whole lot, but "on paper" we really looked good!  Both: recovering alcoholics, practicing Roman Catholics, in huge agreement on social and political issues.  I thought we could have love of an "educational variety."  But I think I might have just learned that wonderful "love at first sight" and being unable to keep your hands off each other, and deciding to get married in the first week of dating - maybe that is healthier than I thought it was.  At least it is real - for a while.  I think I am meant to be alone.  I have certainly prayed about this and sought counsel about it.  And I am alone.  And really, I am OK with that.

I am SO looking forward to this day and all that it may bring.  Another day to ask God to help me do his will.  I think he always comes through.


Anonymous said...

I've been wondering about the man. "It is what it is".

Glad you can get Krema, it is not available everywhere.I love my Krema on a salt free rice cake. Only 150 calories, under 15g of carbs, and no sugar. Yummy!

dAAve said...

I know and you know that you're not really alone. You just live alone.

Kary May said...

I just finished off what was left of a bag of potato chips so it would be out of the casa manana and wouldn't tempt me. lol Then I read your blog, I should have read it first, maybe I would have fed the chips to the birds. What is left is definitely going over the rail. Have a good read.

Mary LA said...

Sorry the relationship didn't work out. Your meals sound delicious and I'm glad you're enjoying the spring weather.

Pammie said...

Damn....about the fella.
Hooray about not being broken hearted over it.
Thank goodness for great neighbors.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

It's hard to not have all the information and it's hard to wait out that feeling that feels like a gut feeling to really test it against reality and really pray for the intuitive thought. I always wonder if it gets easier with more time.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I forgot to say (((((HUGS))))) thank you!

Anonymous said...

I married a man that looked really good on paper. I saw all the signs in the beginning but I chose to ignore them because after a decade of following my gut and having it bottom out, I thought looking good on paper was the sensible, adult path into a relationship. Heh.

The one thing I can say about him is that he came from 'good stock' and my kids got handed down some good genes. Sturdy, healthy kids with a great spirit. However, the marriage did not make it. :::sigh:::

I am sorry, though, about your boyfriend. You have a remarkably healthy attitude about it. I like that.