Man, I am just tired. I had a bit of a meltdown at work yesterday. The nearly intolerable level of stress at work has gone on since November, and I am just really, really tired of it. The stress of the decimation of my daughter's life is an ever present sadness and worry. I am physically tired from running a race on Sunday for which I was not fully trained.
I went to a meeting yesterday on my way to work and the topic was taking psychotropic meds. Things sure have changed since 1984 when I got sober. Back then, the general consensus in AA was that you should avoid any medication that was "mood altering". Well, that was probably a bit rigid. I think about that when I take my estrogen tablet daily - that is one of the most mood altering chemicals I have ever used, but I am not likely to stop. But I digress.... In 2008, at a meeting on April 6, the consensus was "take 'em if you need 'em." Generally, I agree. BUT, if you are newly sober, how do you know you really need them? Isn't the process of hitting an alcoholic bottom and then making the gigantic leap into sobriety enough to make anyone a little bit nuts?
Can we not tolerate even a few moments of feeling bad? Isn't it kind of necessary for growth?
This is coming from a woman who has suffered from Major Depression. I have taken medications for this. I do not take any currently, thank God. I waited until I was sober 10 years before taking medication, and although that may sound extreme, I am glad I did.
I better get ready for work. If there was any way to get away with it, I would call in sick... but I can't. There is a consultant coming in today and I have to spend the day with her. I really, really, really don't want to do this.